ONE in four pregnancies ends in loss, yet grieving parents are often silenced by stigma and clichés. Awareness begins with the words we choose and with the support we give.
Every October, the world pauses to mark Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time to reflect and extend compassion to families who have endured one of life’s most heartbreaking experiences.
Statistics show that pregnancy loss is far more common than many people realize: 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Yet despite these numbers, countless parents grieve in silence, weighed down by stigma and unmet with the support they desperately need.
In Nigeria, where community is central to daily life, one might expect grief to be shared openly and support to flow naturally. Instead, parents who lose a baby are too often met with silence, judgment, or words that wound more than they heal. Awareness matters because silence isolates, while open, compassionate conversations help families feel less alone.
Words That Hurt
Language is one of the most powerful tools we have. Words can comfort or they can cut deeply. Well-meaning friends and family sometimes repeat phrases passed down through generations, but those words can unintentionally invalidate grief.
Some common examples of what not to say include: “At least you know you can get pregnant”; “You’re still young; you’ll have more children”,“It was God’s will”; “God will not give you more than you can handle”; “At least it happened early,”; “Crying will not bring the baby back”; “Did you pray?”
For someone grieving, these phrases can feel dismissive or even accusatory. They may suggest the parent’s grief is a weakness, a failure of faith, or something to “get over.” No parent wants their child’s existence minimized, no matter how brief their life was.
Words That Heal
So what can we say instead? Simple, heartfelt words often bring the most comfort: “I’m so sorry for your loss”; “Your baby’s life mattered,”;“I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready,”;“Take all the time you need to grieve,”;“I don’t have the perfect words, but I care deeply.”
When in doubt, silence paired with presence is far better than clichés. Sitting beside someone, sending a gentle message, or simply saying “I’m here” can carry more healing than trying to explain away the loss.
The Pressure to “Be Strong”
Another common response grieving parents hear is: “Don’t cry. Be strong.” In our society, open displays of grief are sometimes seen as weakness.
But true strength is not the absence of tears. Strength is allowing yourself to grieve, to feel, and to heal at your own pace. Telling parents to “move on” or “be strong” often forces them to hide their pain, creating deeper isolation. Parents need to know it is okay to fall apart. It is okay not to be okay. And parents should be encouraged to seek support from trained counsellors and professionals who can walk alongside them as they navigate each step of their grief.
How Families and Friends Can Show Support
Support after loss does not require grand gestures ; small, thoughtful actions can mean the world. Families and friends can: Bbring meals or help with daily tasks.
Acknowledge the baby by name, if one was given, and remember important dates such as due dates or anniversaries; Send a simple check-in message weeks or months later, when the initial flood of condolences has faded; Offer to sit quietly with grieving parents; sometimes presence matters more than words; Respect each parent’s way of grieving, without rushing them or making comparisons.
These acts remind parents they are not forgotten, and that their baby’s life; no matter how brief mattered.
Why Society Must Break the Silence
On a broader level, society itself has a role to play. Too often, miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss is treated as a private matter, something not to be spoken of in public. This silence increases stigma and leaves families isolated.
Breaking the silence means: Media: telling real stories so the issue is visible and normalized.;Workplaces: offering compassionate leave policies for pregnancy and infant loss; Schools and health professionals: being trained to support families with empathy; Religious spaces: replacing clichés like “God wanted another angel” with genuine comfort and rituals of remembrance.
When we talk openly, we not only support grieving families but also educate society. We challenge myths, reduce shame, and remind parents that their grief is valid.
Finding Resources and Healing
No one should have to walk this road alone. Support is available; but many families don’t know where to start. Some helpful options include: Counselling and therapy services: Trained professionals can provide safe, non-judgmental support; Support groups: Whether online or in person, these communities connect grieving parents with others who truly understand.; Personal practices: Journaling, prayer, lighting candles, or creating a memory box for the baby can help families honour and process their loss.
A Call to Compassion
Pregnancy and infant loss awareness is not only about sharing statistics ; it is about reshaping how society responds to grief. By changing our words, offering practical support, and breaking the silence, we can create a culture where no grieving parent feels dismissed, silenced, or forgotten.
This October, let us commit to being the kind of families, communities, and societies that show up for grieving parents. Let us replace stigma with empathy, silence with compassion, and isolation with connection.
Because every parent bydeserves support, and every baby’s life- no matter how brief — deserves to be remembered.
Ola Taiwo is a certified fertility health coach, fertility advocate, and founder of Fertility Conversations, a platform dedicated to breaking the silence around infertility and pregnancy loss.
Source: Vanguard Media Limited
